KEEPING YOUR OPTIONS OPEN

I want to talk about options and I want to use Tove Aldrich’s article, The T-Spot: Dating in Vermillion Leaves You ‘Screwed,’ as a jumping point, but this is in no way simply a response to that now infamous T-Spot article. Maybe I’m reading it wrong (which seems to be a common accusation), but I didn’t feel that she was telling everyone to go whoring around, but simply to keep your options open.

But my problem with the article has nothing to do with what she did or did not say or mean to say or with what she supposedly was or was not telling people to go do. It has to do with the fact that the article was limited to Vermillion, like this is just some sort of a disease that survives here and nowhere else. In my opinion, dating, in general, will leave you screwed. I also have a problem with the fact that so many people seem to feel the same way as Tove.

What happened to forever? When did it quit being an option? What happened to a girl being interested in something more than a night or two of fun (or possibly even a few months of good times) but nothing more? What happened to “something more?”

To clarify, I don’t mean forever like a children’s fairy tale. I’m not talking about Princes and Princesses falling madly in love at first sight. I’m not even necessarily talking about happy ever after. I’m simply questioning the status of being with someone with the goal of an actual relationship. What happened to boyfriend/girlfriend as something more than a facebook status? What happened to meeting each other’s families? Getting to know each other?

Don’t get me wrong, there’s really nothing wrong with the occasional hook up, booty call, or one night stand. I guess I’m just looking for something more.

As almost anyone in Vermtown can tell you, sex is everywhere, if you’re willing to get it. You can pick up girls/guys at the bars, the games, even the library if you try. So it’s not like hookups aren’t going to happen. I mean, there’s a study on page B4 of the current issue of the Volante entitled, “Survey Says Hook Ups Rising Among College Students” showing that more young people are getting into relationships and not just having one night stands. However, the cynical part of me can’t help but wonder how warped the results are in that it doesn’t take the almighty booty call into account. I’ve hooked up with a few girls that solely want it when they want it, and don’t want any of the other BS that goes with a relationship, and I understand the beauty of the concept. I really do.

I just wish there was something more out there. It’s getting harder and harder to believe that there is, though.

Perhaps that’s it. Maybe it really is that simple. Maybe it’s not that people want to date several people at once, but that no one wants to deal with all the other stuff that goes with being in a relationship. If you never get to know the other person, you don’t have to worry about getting hurt. You don’t have to feel you’ve missed your shot. You never have to worry about finding that the other person loves someone new. You don’t have to deal with all the awkward feelings when they go on a date with some other guy. Perhaps forever doesn’t matter. Perhaps it really is enough to grab some dinner, open some Syrah, kick back and watch Grandma’s Boy with that girl you’ve always liked. But it would be nice to know that it could lead to forever.

I just think that if we’re going to keep our options open, it’s better that we keep them all open.

~ by jamessabata on December 13, 2007.